dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
