Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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