You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
