Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize