The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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