You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
