We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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