girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
