i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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