Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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