I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
