I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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