Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize