I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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