New low: just hacked my moms facebook
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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