If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
