Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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