I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
