Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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