we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
