Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
