im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
