Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No subtext here. People are naked.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
