Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
