and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
