did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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