All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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