I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
