Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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