I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
