this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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