Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
