i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
