I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
