I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
