You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
