Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
