my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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