I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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