I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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