Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we made out on top of his cat.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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