...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
There are leaves in my underwear?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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