I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
