I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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