I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
