so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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