yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
