We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
And then he peed in my hair
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