then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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