party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
