shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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