dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize