True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
