i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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