fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
