im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
