if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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