There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Everclear isn't food dammit
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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