A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
