Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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