I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
