I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
