At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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