Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
