I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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