she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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