it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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