Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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