He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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