i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
