Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
