I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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