All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize