Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
