I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
