ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
