im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
