so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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