I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
