Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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