Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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