We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
