And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just had sex on a roof
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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