Having a random hookup so left but love u
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
