Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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