you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
