Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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