god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
