i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
