I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she pinky promised me she was 18
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
