The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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