oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
