Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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