I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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