sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
