I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize