if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
