White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
