i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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