i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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