I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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